Q: What is your Name?
A: Hi, my name is Food. I have many different aliases such as bread, goodies, chow, viand, refreshments, meal, cuisine, menu, eats, dish and many more you could think of.
Q: Where do you live?
A: I live everywhere. You can find me in the farm, in the garden or in the forest. In fact, I am in every household, grocery stores, malls, farmers market, manufacturing companies, and everywhere in the world you go. As you see, I have this deep relationship to every single human being like you, wherever you go, whatever you do.
Q: Can you describe yourself?
A: Describe myself…Ahh, I am any nutritious substance that people or animals eat or drink, or that plants absorb, in order to maintain life and growth. Sounds familiar? There is no way you can’t recognize me since I am a staple in your everyday life. I am famous. I am popular. I am a rockstar. You breathe me, you inhale me, you eat me and you drink me. I come in different forms, shapes and colors which makes me really special. I have this special and extra ordinary power to make people happy, I can make you sad, but while I can make you sick sometimes, I can definitely heal people as well. You can eat or drink me raw, you can consume and drink me fresh or cooked too.
Q: Can you describe your characteristics?
A: My characteristics? Hmmm…I have too plenty to mention, but I don’t mind breaking them down for you. I can be sweet and you can find me most of the time in fruits, desserts, beverages or candies. Be careful too because I can be sour, sometimes too salty or too bitter but the last but not the least, I can be some kind of umami too. What is Umami?? You may ask… It is a Japanese word for savory taste. You see, you humans, were just taught that there were only 4 kinds of tastes since you were born and nobody was really aware about this 5th taste that exists. It was actually pinpointed by Japanese chemist Kikunae Ikeda in the 1900s. And since he is a chemist, he got to experiment about this particular taste and that’s where he invented the Monosodium glutamate or MSG seasoning and commercialized it. This really became a big hit in most parts of Asia. However, please be aware on the side effects before consuming on them. The L-glutamate is natural on variety of foods like some fish, vegetables, meat, and some dairy products. Umami is a flavor which has a savory taste, and is considered one of the five basic tastes actually. Anything you eat that is not sweet, sour, salty and bitter?…you guessed it… it is the umami flavor your tastebud is discovering. Next time you eat these type of foods, try to close your eyes and let your tastebud do the talking. Some of these foods are aged cheese, asparagus, mushrooms, olives, cooked piece of meat with no seasoning, or tomatoes that just got ripe.
Q: What do you like the least about yourself?
A: I really hate it when I make people sick and experience allergies, body odor, constipation, high blood pressure, bad breath, heartburn, stress, acne, and a lot more when they consume “me” or some of my family members. Although weight gain is the number one problem that is related to a lot of different health issues in humans, you all know that this can be prevented, right? If humans only knew how and when to control what they eat. Smh… I know it is easier said than done. I know… I am too irresistible, too hot to handle and sometimes the hardest habit to break, huh!?!..(wink, wink). Kidding aside, people should really learn to be more disciplined when dealing with “me”. They should be more aware on how to take care of their body when it comes to their diet.
Q: And What do you like most for being you, then?
A: I know that I play a very important role in the whole humanity since I am the sole source of energy, water, fat, minerals, vitamins and more for your body and is responsible for the efficient metabolism of every bodily process. On top of that I bring people together every minute of the day, every day of the year, in all parts of the world. That makes me really happy and knowing that I do have a great purpose in this earth that’s why God created me the way he did.
Q: What can you say about how Humans treat you? And any advise on how they should deal with you and the rest of your clan?
A: That is a wonderful question…Thank you for asking that. I really wanted to get this message across the world. I am humbled that most people love me and adore me. The feeling that I’m always wanted and needed is irreplaceable. However, I am really in despair and misery when you, humans, take me for granted and does a lot of food-trashing and doesn’t value the importance of FOOD you have on the table, you know. Do you know how unimaginable America waste tons and tons of food??? Almost 38 million tons every year! I am appalled at this statistics. I am really, really sad to say, that America leads the world in food waste. There are a lot of people in third-world countries that suffer from hunger and poverty out there. They would be already in heaven, if they find “me” in garbage cans being thrown out, coming from homes or any establishments like restaurants that has a lot of leftovers. Groceries, restaurants, farmer’s market and people think that when they see “me” or some of my “family” looking weird, being in the wrong shape or containing minor blemishes is already unacceptable and unedible, thus throwing away is the only option. I understand that I get old, wilted, wrinkled, spoiled and rotten, but you don’t really have to eat me once I am in that stage or inedible. I don’t want anyone to get sick. All I ask is Love “ME” more and hate “WASTE”. You know what I mean….
Q: How would you describe your timeline in this world?
A: Most of the times, I only have a short shelf-life and don’t really last that long unless I am preserved, dried, or chemically injected with all those sorts of anti-bacterial, hormones etc. However, If you will let me, I can tell you a story of how my lifeline is so you can get the better understanding of it. Just listen carefully…
You see, once I am purchased, picked from any plant or tree, or whatever source I come from, Humans wash and prepare me for however they want to consume me. Once all the preparations and/or cooking has been completed, I will be laid on the table and humans will take a seat and the process begins:
Mouth: First place “I” land into, so I call it the “receiver”. It is the first portion of the alimentary canal that receives food and produces saliva. It has the teeth, tongue, and the ducts of the salivary glands.
Teeth: They are made up of four different types of tissue: pulp, dent, enamel and cementum. It breaks down items of food by cutting, crushing and chewing “me”. In short, they are what I call the “processor”.
Esophagus: Their function is to carry food, liquids, and saliva from the mouth to the stomach. Once I’m chewed, they transport me to Stomach, so it is the “messenger”.
Stomach: He is what I call “the data analyst”. It secretes acid and enzymes that digest food, then prepares and mixes “me” up with the liquid that was received.
Small Intestines: Its role is to digest “me”. Separate good from the bad. So we can call him the “Quality Control Analyst”. It absorbs the digested nutrients from “me” into the bloodstream and the blood delivers the nutrients to the rest of your body.
Large Intestines: Let’s just call him the “Senior Auditor” since “I” had to go thru small intestines firsthand. It absorbs water and any remaining nutrients “I” have and changes the waste from liquid into stool. The rectum stores stool until it pushes stool out of the body during a bowel movement.
Anus: It has the most-hated and most-disliked job in the whole world because he has to deal with a lot of the dirty job. He is the “distributor” of my sh*t so he disposes the final product of “me” and this is the demise of my career. Hope you enjoyed my fun and exciting life story. May The FOOD be With You! Ciao! Adios! Paalam! Sayonara! Goodbye!
Q: Any message you want to impart to the whole world out there?
A: I hope that you have learned a lot from my Life Story and please remember that I do want everyone to be happy this holiday season but know the consequences of not having a balanced diet results to many different health issues. Also, please do keep in mind to be consume me in moderation, be wise and smart in making choices by being aware also on how much you put on your plate to reduce food waste. Although I know it will be hard because it is the start of marathon holiday eating season. Just be mindful, that’s all. So, If you want to prolong your existence in this world, let “me” be thy medicine, if you don’t want medicine to be your food later on in life….Happy Holidays!
Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments.
– Bethenny Frankel